| boy, i wish i didnt have a million and one things to do in the next three days...no, make that seven days. holy fucking hell. this is all ridiculous. how can one person do all this all the time?
i think the person i admire most is my mother. she overworks herself too much and yet can still smile and laugh at herself and love us girls as much as she ever has and more. i thought long and hard about it and no one else comes close to her, and no one else but me seems to know it. i know everything happens for a reason but i caused my mom so much pain and i didnt even know it or i didnt care at the moment. i wish i could give it all back to her-what she's given me and more. she pays my tuition, she pays my doctor bills, she puts up with me when i'm cranky and gives me money for gas. she always tries to understand everything i say to her and she tells me when i do wrong...and right. she opens her house to people and never asks for anything in return. she gets stepped on sometimes because she chooses her battles. but that's ok as long as she wins the war. and she does. she kicks everyone's ass over and over. she rocks. i tell her how much i am like her and i joke like it's a bad thing, but i know i'm a better person because of her. i dont know how she does it. it makes me ashamed of myself and makes me realize there is no excuse for anyone not take care of their family and not work their ass off for what they want and need. That includes my father. He does so much but he could do much more. I can forgive, but I don't forget. Too bad he has.
i blame my sloth, my self-destruction, and my misery on my depression and anxiety. and i don't even take pills. I hate pretending but sometimes it's necessary to act like you like someone at least for your own peace of mind. I hate pretending-period. I hate pretending like I give a damn about these classes i'm taking; i don't care about the subject or i already know what they're teaching. it's a waste of time and money for a piece of paper saying that i studied a bunch of things for 4 years, things that i'll forget after a month. i'm sick of looking at myself in the mirror and wondering where i went. |
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| I am completely obsessed with Bryan Greenberg! Every girl who reads this must go see PRIME!!
And that is all.
I still love you, Baby!!! |
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| Hey there all.
I saw Sedmon on Sunday. He's here for a week, though I wish it was longer. I'd like to have him down at school with me.
I'm looking for a cat. Anyone have any ideas? |
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| New baby brother or sister on the way...and we're moving to Wisconsin...or they're moving. Eh.
School sucks and I'm fat.
That's my life.
I love Eric.
I want a puppy for Christmas. |
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